-I am unhealthily excited for Iceland. Alex is getting back to me on Wednesday with her final answer on whether or not she's coming, but if she's not, I have to go myself. I'd be a moron not to: this is my chance. It's also probably one of the safest countries in the world to go to alone (I mean, only slightly more than 300,000 people live in the entire country, and it's not exactly a tumultuous place...anything more than pickpocketing is pretty much unheard of, and even that's supposed to be quite rare). I was in town today, and H&M had a sale on all the leftover winter stuff, so I got a white, marshmellow-esque puffer coat for Iceland for £15. It was both unnecessary and a good idea: The average temperature during the day in Reykjavik in March/April is about 32 degrees Fahrenheit, so it's not exactly deathly cold: it was colder than that in Connecticut over Christmas (and pretty much every year) and I survived (and loved it). However, since I do plan to go out on a Northern Lights hunt, which I think is about 3-4 hours long, I thought I needed some warmer clothes than a trench coat with a zip-out wool lining or an L.L. Bean fleece. I figure it can get windy out in the Icelandic wilderness, and that I'll probably be standing in snow. I'm also going to need to get some real winter gloves for that venture (since all I have here are Ann Taylor cashmere knit ones and American Eagle knit hobo gloves), but I stopped myself from buying warmer shoes (£5 for mock-Uggs at Primark, though, which certainly would be warmer than sneakers), since I know how to survive in these temperatures and I don't seem to feel cold like a normal person anyway. We'll see. I wish I could teleport all of the things I own in America to England free of charge: I have proper shoes and jackets at home that I don't want to/can't afford to rebuy in England just for a single 3-day-long trip to the Arctic Circle.

I'm going to really have to debate packing for this whole venture, though: If Alex comes and we go to Iceland between April 2 and 5, I think it's cheapest for me to spend the nights of the 5th and 6th in London and then go straight to Gatwick Airport on the 7th to fly to Germany. This would mean I have to pack for Iceland, Germany, and Greece all in the same suitcase. This may pose a problem: there's a 40+-degree difference between the first destination and the last, and I really don't want to lug a down jacket to Athens and Santorini. If Alex doesn't come, though, I'll probably go to Iceland in mid-late March to avoid the whole question of Easter: as much as I'd love to be somewhere exciting on Easter, I don't know if that weekend would be the best for sightseeing, since according to one of my new shiny Iceland guidebooks, the nation gets a week-long holiday for Easter. Who knows even if the Blue Lagoon would be open? Despite that whole Easter question, though, I would love to be able to buy Jónsi's album in Iceland just to say I did (it comes out on April 5, the day I think I'd probably be leaving the country). Ah, well.

I also bought a stupid, flimsy little portable tripod for my camera from Poundland for £1. It's not going to do the job nearly as well as my proper tripod would at home, but I think it's pretty much impossible to get ahold of that just for this trip, and I'm going to need something to hold the camera steady if I hope to get even one semi-decent photo of the Northern Lights. I may even look into prices of remote shutter-releases...I've always wanted one anyway.

-Speaking of Iceland, Jónsi is going to be playing the Forum in London on May 26. I'm thrilled I'll be in the right country at the right time for once (UNLIKE HOW THE STROKES ARE PLAYING THEIR FIRST GIG IN YEARS AT THE ISLE OF WIGHT ON JUNE 12), but I'm not so thrilled that it's during the exam period and UEA has yet to release the exam schedule (bastards). The presale is Wednesday, and I won't know until mid March whether or not I'll have an exam that conflicts with the concert. Whatever. Unless I have an exam in the late afternoon on May 26 or any time on May 27, I'm going to go. Of course, this means I will inevitably have exams during those times, but I guess I can just sell the ticket later. I think they're going to be cheap anyway: in the ballpark of £15. I'll get one for myself on Wednesday and then wait to see what my exam schedule looks like before seeing if anyone else wants to come.

-Have I ever mentioned how much I hate social drama? I guess what I'm in the midst of now is relatively tame and temporary on the drama-scale (I hope temporary, anyway), but Christ, sometimes I honestly believe that I'd rather not have friends at all than get involved in stupid spats over who said what to who and when and what happened after that. I think the last time I was in something like this, I was twelve. Maybe it's on a bit of a larger scale this time than it was in middle school, but the essence of it is still the same, and if both parties would just accept realism and logic, it would be clear that it would be a non-issue, though regrettable. Vague enough for you, eh?

-Despite loving the shopping here, I've finally put my finger on something: I get annoyed by fashion in the UK sometimes. The styles are so...high-maintenance, and everything is a show and everything has a scene. In America, I feel like a lot of the time, the styles are more effortless, or they appear to look more natural, even if you spent twenty minutes making your ponytail look like you just swept it up. I miss simpler, comfier clothes being acceptable, and I get tired of all these girls (and guys) trying so hard to fit a style or a scene with their heavy eye makeup and pin-straightened scenester haircuts. There's some unwritten rule that "going out," even to a few pubs, means that girls must put on a dress, heels, and heavy makeup, and walk on cobblestones in cold temperatures and sweaty pubs with all that on. I've been a bit more conscious about what I wear and buy, I suppose, but it's almost tiring to be the only one wearing jeans and a hoodie, or even just a cardigan and a nice t-shirt, not because I feel like a slob, but because it's so boring when everyone else tries overly hard and ends up looking exactly the same as everyone else anyway. Buy what you like and wear it when you feel like it: Norwich city center on a weekday with your friends isn't a fashion runway, and you don't have to do your eyes and hair just to by some eggs from Tesco, or even get a pint at the pub.

Við Áttum Okkur Draum Áttum Allt (Take Two).

This entry has the same title as the previous entry for completely different reasons. "Við áttum okkur draum áttum allt" means "we once had a dream we had everything" in Icelandic. Last night, I wanted everything because I want to somehow be able to do everything I want and nothing I don't want, which I realistically know is impossible, but it doesn't keep me from whining and hoping. Tonight, I want everything because I just found something so amazing I want to do a dance of hope around my exceedingly messy room.

Ok, so we all know how much I've wanted to go to Iceland since...well, since about forever. For years, I had a vague, fuzzy hope in my mind that this year might be the year to go, since I'm close and young and would have a travel fund. I've done brief bits of research here and there throughout the year, hoping that something would work out. Usually, these spurts of internet searching ended with me finding awesome vacation packages that were about $1,000 without the cost of airfare, with the flights alone costing about $500. That put all of that out of the question. Besides, I was never really that optimistic about having anyone to go with, since I'm the only loon out there desperate to go to Iceland.

However. Today, while, uh...procrastinating again, I decided to Google "cheap weekends in Iceland." That seemed to be the open-sesame password, since it led me to IcelandAir's Vacation Package site. There are weekend trips to Reykjavik starting at £269. £269 INCLUDING AIRFARE. I'm only slightly beginning to spaz. Of course, it costs more to go alone, but not by that much. I did it all out to the point where I'd have to put in a credit card number, and the entire trip for one person for three nights at a decent hotel (not hostel) in Reykjavik with FREE transport and admission to the Blue Lagoon...would cost me under $700 round trip. Which is in my budget. It's a splurge, but it's in my budget.

WHAT THE HELL DO I DO? I understand that Iceland isn't going to go anywhere, and I also understand that the offer probably isn't, either. However, right now, at this point in my life, I actually have that amount of money set aside just for travel. Of course, it would go to other things (like a shiny new MacBook, or just boring necessities if I end up unemployed, which is likely) if I don't spend it on travel, which is also tempting and probably practical, but...this is the time in my life to travel. After finding this IcelandAir offer, my whole dream of going to Iceland, even if just for a weekend and just to Reykjavik rather than a whole coach tour around the Ring Road with a viewing of the Northern Lights, seems so attainable all of a sudden. It would be a good way to get my toes wet, to go for a few days and see if it's all I've always thought it was. Then, sometime in the next five to ten years, maybe, I can afford to take a proper week-long, full country tour sometime in February (which is prime Northern Lights viewing time. If I had found this offer a few months ago, I would have booked a weekend trip for THIS month, since they have Reykjavik weekends with a Northern Lights excursion in exchange for the Blue Lagoon one. Curses).

So, to summarize: I have the time AND the money AND the desire to go now. The only thing I guess I'm missing is the company. I'm going to try to see if Alex has any interest in going to Iceland, since we were planning to take a trip from April 1-5 anyway, and that's basically my only window of time to go. But if she doesn't want to go or can't afford it...I think I'm seriously going to consider going myself. I know that I'm capable of travelling by myself to foreign countries where they speak another language, and I know I'm not stupid. I'd be staying in a nice hotel, so I'd explore during the day I have for exploration (I think their days are average lengths in April) and then go back to my hotel when it gets dark. The next day would be entirely taken up by the excursion to the Blue Lagoon, which is taken care of. I'd be deposited directly back at my hotel by a chartered bus. Then I'd just sleep and go to the airport to fly out the next morning.

As a side note, Iceland is famous for its hot dogs. So even the food wouldn't be an issue for me: I can totally avoid the fermented shark and the sheep testicle loaf, and I can replace it with food that is actually culturally relevant. In how many countries can I say that?! It's a sign, I swear.

I'm going to mull this over. It might just happen.

Við Áttum Okkur Draum Áttum Allt.

I have a new method of trying to handle the collegiate grief: I'm actually trying, and trying very hard, to not care about school and grades. This doesn't mean that I won't be doing my work: I think it's probably physically impossible for me to not turn in an assignment on time. I think I would spontaneously combust. I also don't mean that I'm going to start turning in shite. Perhaps it won't be up to my usual standards, but those usual standards have meant that I haven't turned in a piece of work I've actually liked in about two years (I also blame that on external forces out of my control). I'm just trying to psych myself out by telling myself it doesn't really matter to anything. And it doesn't. Right now, when I have to write an essay proposal of 1,000 words when the actual essay I'm proposing is only 2,000 words long, this tact is about 75% working. Every time my brain starts to tell me that this is the worst, most unplanned thing I've ever written, I'm telling myself it has no bearing on the rest of my life. And it doesn't. It works for about five minutes, until the next wave hits. I think this whole complete "roll with the punches" tact is going to take some conditioning.

I also think I kind of deserve a break. I've put my schoolwork and my grades as my top priority for almost 16 years now. At Wooster, my motivation was to get into a good college. Not that Dickinson's not a good college, but it wasn't what I wanted at the time, and it wasn't what I wanted since, so that was futile, and I think that broke me a bit (my academic stride was further broken by the semester I took off, which I think I'll forever regard as one of the happiest times of my life). At Dickinson, I had no motivation other than habit of getting good grades and producing good work. That's gotten old by this point. Pair that with the fact that I still don't really have a clue of what I want to do, and the fact that everything I would like to do either doesn't require a degree, doesn't require a degree of this sort, or is next to impossible to break into, and my motivation goes into negative numbers. Sadly, what I'm looking forward to most in the long-term right now is not being able to secure any sort of real job after graduation and having to move back home with a job in a store or an office for a year so I can...have a break, but also figure things out a bit.

I don't really think my difficulty handling my current student situation has much to do with ability or lack of it: I think it has to do with not being bothered enough anymore. I think I'm perfectly capable of doing all this work to a high standard AND doing things I want to do AND travelling AND doing things like cleaning and cooking and shopping AND travelling. I think I'm actually quite competent. My problem is motivation and an overall feeling of time-wasting. I think my stress comes from feeling stifled by the things I don't want to do, which is most everything related to doing schoolwork, and how doing it prevents me from doing things that I care about. Right now, I should be sleeping. It's only 12:30, but I haven't slept past 9 for over a week, and I don't do well in this state. This is contributing to my current cycle of worry about this stupid paper proposal on the stupid Ku Klux Klan which will in no way progress me any farther down the road of life. What I need more than anything is to go to bed, but I can't, since I have to finish this thing tonight in order to right another useless proposal tomorrow on a topic yet to be determined. These stupid busywork exercises are what I feel are keeping me from having the time to sufficiently figure myself and the world around me out, which I feel like I'm actually pretty good at doing when left to my own devices. That's what I want: to be left to my own devices to figure what's in and around me out (which I regard as the most important thing in life as of right now). That's where I do best. I feel like in the past three years, institutions have kept me from being at my best, in direct contrast to the previous thirteen years of my life, where an institution brought out and created my best. Perhaps it's still separation anxiety that's frustrating me. In some ways I believe that and in some ways I don't, since I think upon being released from Wooster's hills, I've progressed a huge amount, and I don't think any of that has been learned in a classroom or by BSing something vaguely academic sounding on Microsoft Word in my bedroom at night.

My mom thinks everyone feels like this about university at some point. I think she might have a point, but then why does everyone else around me seem to get so much enjoyment out of it? I honestly think sometimes I'm the only one I know that utterly hates this whole experience. Obviously, I like being in England and I like the friends I've made by going to university. Hell, I even like some of the things I've been forced to read over the years, and that's fine, but my point is that I treat my education more like a Wikiventure than something sticking to a rigid syllabus: I like my interests and subsequent research about them to be sparked off each other randomly, rather than being told that we're studying this and then this and then that. I feel like I'm the only one that sits in class and is not only uninterested in the material, but wants to jump out of the window and run to the nearest bookstore/cinema/broadband connection so I can learn about things I consider worth my while at this stage.

Anyway, this is just an incoherent, self-indulgent rant further keeping me from finishing my work and going to bed, which I'm considering taking my chances with doing. Maybe I'll procrastinate less tomorrow if I don't do laundry, which I'll attempt to do on Thursday. But I'm definitely allowing myself to sleep as late as I want. That always makes everything much better.

In the Future, Find a Home

I'll blog about Paris later, since I barely have a free second to breathe this week, however...WE GOT A HOUSE TODAY. It's perfect, if I do say so myself. Well, perfect for a student house: I think I watch too much HGTV for me to have any realistic expectations of what I can afford at this stage in my life. However, this place comes pretty close to what I had in mind, since it's clean and recently re-done in all the important places. The location is perfect, right off Unthank Road where everything is and which was my primo location. It's also walkable into town, or you can be lazy and take the bus. The bus is the main way to get to Uni, which I'm happy with: no more 15 minute walk in the cold! It'll only about 7 minutes to the bus stop, and it feels a world shorter. From the outside, it doesn't look like much, but the landlord thinks he'll be able to re-do the front over the summer, as well as put in some grass in the back garden. Even if he doesn't, it's ok: if the front entrance becomes nice, there's a chance that it'll become the main entrance into the house (the back door is now), and the front door leads directly into what I have a feeling will become my room. However, we can easily just not use that door. The house is directly next to a Chinese food takeaway, and by next door, I mean I can literally lean out the entryway in the downstairs bedroom (which I have a feeling will become mine) and stick out my hand and take a bag of food from someone standing in the door of the Chinese food place.


As you can see, the Chinese food place is right there. The rest of the pictures are in THIS Facebook album. The outside may be plain, but the inside is in better repair and upkeep than most student properties out there, I'd say. And you simply can't beat the location, the price, and the size.

The current tenants, four girls, are very neat and apparently are aspiring interior designers who like pink. I don't know if we're going to be able to live up to the decorating jobs they've done in their bedrooms, and I think our current bedroom preferences have been influenced by the decorating which won't be there when we move in anyway: we all seem to like one the best, and it's definitely the one with the most attention to detail. Honestly, though, in the end I don't mind which room I get, since the three upstairs are about the same, and the one downstairs is huge (though downstairs). The kitchen is clean and new, and the bathroom is clean and huge (though I'm probably going to scrub the shower walls first thing: my only concern about the whole place is a small bit of discoloration between the tiles). Our landlord seems incredibly nice and helpful, whereas we weren't even sure if the estate agent that showed us around yesterday was a man or a woman. Of course this doesn't necessarily have bearing on personality, but they didn't seem very nice, either.

I'm so happy I could scream. The two places we saw yesterday, which were not UEA approved, were shiteholes. I'm so glad we didn't settle for the better of the two, since although I could have survived in that house, it was nothing like I had in mind, and it made me seriously begin to worry about what sort of place I'd find myself living in next year. I feel light and free now that we've found a great place that fits all of my criteria (OK, no tumble dryer, but basically no one in England has one. There's a laundrette a 7-minute walk away if I really need a dryer).

I guess I just find it interesting that I just got a house in England, and it's my first real place that's not owned by anyone but me (OK, the landlord, but I mean, some place where I'm completely independent, with no uni regulations). I've been wanting that since I was twelve, and I still sometimes laugh at the fact that I'm getting all this at twenty. I thought I'd have to wait at least another five years.

On a completely random note before I go find something else to procrastinate with: Jónsi of Sigur Rós is releasing a solo album in April as I previously mentioned, and the second single of the album was just released:

Jónsi - Go Do from Jónsi on Vimeo.

I love the song, but I think all the makeup and costumes and bird feathers are overkill. I like simplicity, but whatever. I can't wait for the album!

ALSO: I'm now going to both Germany (Dusseldorf) and Greece for spring break officially. Whew. However, I grossly overestimated how much my four trips this term would cost, and I've got...a significant sum of money left over. I'm trying to turn this into another trip with Alex, perhaps to Prague to visit Jane, or to Sweden. I sincerely wish more people had interest in coming with me to Iceland, because I can actually afford it. However, they don't actually start running guided tours or anything like that until June because it's, uh, too cold. When I tell people this, any slight spark of vague interest in them disappears. I wonder why? Flights are about $500 round trip, which is expensive as all hell for a student, but...actually within my budget. However, if I were to go alone, I wouldn't want to just wing it: I'd want to go on one of those guided tour groups, and preferably one that starts in Reykjavik for a day or so and then goes around the Ring Road in a coach (AND INCLUDES AMPLE VIEWS OF THE NORTHERN LIGHTS). As I say, these don't start until June, usually, and are about $1,000 from the get-go, without the $500 airfare. Le sigh. SOMEDAY, DAMMIT. I need to find a travel buddy for that particular destination in the meantime. Hmm.

-I think my academic apathy (or lack of academic motivation, whatever you want to term the whole phenomenon of me becoming un-academic...I've taken to calling it "collegiate grief") is growing at an alarming rate. I mean, I'm not exactly captivated by any of my classes this semester (and one is particularly bad), but when I try to do the reading for these classes or try to follow the class discussions, it's like everyone's purposely trying to confuse me. I can probably come up with a Coldplay lyric to fit almost any given situation, but the line "I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak" is particularly fitting to how I feel: I read a ridiculous piece of postmodern fiction for my literature class this week and I didn't understand a word of it (even though it almost won a Pulitzer), and I can barely follow the discussion in my World War I class because I'm so rusty on that bit of American history, and because I don't give a crap (nor have I ever) about foreign policy or economic history. People could be stringing together random words that don't relate to each other and it would make just about as much of an impact on me. I'm reviewing the basics of the 1920s and 30s America to make it go easier, but I don't think I could have ever mustered any interest in economic history even when I actually liked school. I think this semester is pretty doomed. The idea of not getting anything less than a superb grade in each of my modules still puts a tiny mote of concern in my stomach, but the rest of me says "eh, as long as I graduate." Which I will. I couldn't ever become so apathetic as to not care at all. Still, I find this all a bit troubling. All I want to do is sleep, travel, and go to pubs with my friends or have more low-key parties in our kitchen (one of note was an impromptu grilled-cheese-making party at one in the morning last week). In my downtime, I want to watch the West Wing and write and read books of my own choosing. I don't really think anything besides the travel is too much to ask. Har har har.

-Greece is still happening, and I'm thrilled. The plan has changed a bit: it's no longer a bunch of us Norwich Dickinsonians renting a villa in Santorini, it's five Norwichers and three other Dickinsonians from other programs that are friends of friends staying in a hostel in Athens for a week, with potential daytrips to various Greek islands, but I'm completely fine with the alterations to the plan. I still get to go to Greece, and I still get to go with some friends, all for about $300 for the week, plus the cost of food and incidentals. I do hope we can try to do a day trip to Santorini or another similar island, though. We hope to have everything booked by next week. I have yet to work out where and when my second spring break trip will take place. The options seem to be Croatia, Prague, and Sweden as of right now.

-I'm going to Paris for a long weekend with Alex and Anne, and I can't wait. The first time I was in Paris two summers ago, I didn't have any hard feelings towards it, but it wasn't exactly the city for me, despite all the culture and things to see. It was too hot, it was too crowded, it was too dirty, and it was too in-your-face. I'm hoping that by going in early February rather than mid August will change at least my complaints of the extreme heat and the extreme crowds and vendors trying to sell you things, and I demand to see Versailles this time. I also hope to pay a visit to my favorite painting in the Louvre, stock up on some Claire Fontaine stationery products, and spend extended time away from an institution of higher education.