PROS AND CONS OF HAVING A CAST

PROS:

-I get a nice break from all the walking I do these days. It's nice to be lazy sometimes.
-People are willing to get me things from upstairs or far away. I don't mean this in a bitchy princess way, but people offer to get me things before I can even get out of my chair to go get them. I can't deny that it's nice.

-I get to wear sweatpants all the time. I love sweatpants.

-The whole thing is more comfortable than I thought. I thought I'd be dying to bend my ankle and my toes, but I really barely notice that they're perpetually bent. Sleeping isn't so bad, either.

-It's a nice color, and I like the butterflies I drew on it. It makes it look better than just being a mess of signatures.

CONS:

-Erm, I can't walk. I mean, I can, but I look like a fool, it's tiring, and hard to deal with. All the muscles in my lower body ache from walking differently on my leg. And sometimes, I get up from sitting or try to climb/go down stairs and forget I'm wearing it and stumble.

-I can't scratch itches. I have a pink plastic ruler specially designated for all itching problems.

-Because my cast has a toeplate in (I broke the toe, after all), the cast goes all the way to the tips of my toes rather than having them stick out. Because I've been walking on it, the fibreglass is weakening and cracking on the sole and pinching my toes between the bottom and the top of the cast. I have a killer blister from walking around New Haven today.

-Showering is ridiculous. OK, well, it was until I got a waterproof cast protector instead of using a garbage bag, but it's still kind of obnoxious to put the thing on every time and take it off. I scrape my knuckles every time on the fibreglass.
-It smells, and it has the potential to get dirty. I keep it very clean with my supercool cast socks, which is typical of me, but still...it just smells like a foot. And I can't shave.

-I have to wear sweatpants all the time. I love sweatpants, but being completely unable to wear most things in my wardrobe is obnoxious, especially since this probably will continue for the most part for two months (though I think I'm allowed to wear tights/leggings/skinny jeans under the aircast, and I can take the thing off to put regular jeans on properly).

-I'm going to have a hell of a time walking from where the coach drops me off back to the Village with all my bags and my cast when I fly back to England. I'll probably email some of my friends beforehand, and if any are on campus at that time, I'll pay them to help me.

I've always kind of been fascinated by those people addicted to their Blackberries--I'm a pretty connected person, but I just don't have that many people to talk to all the time. However, as the proud owner of a new iPod Touch, I think I'm beginning to understand the complete addiction: now why don't I know more people constant glued to thieir iPhones? It's all about the apps and the interface, man. I'm already feeling a strong need for a full-on iPhone so I can have internet ALL the time. How will I survive without wifi back in my Village flat?! Oh, what a deprived life I lead.

Honestly, though: I think I'm usually pretty good at not taking my situation in life for granted, but it's things like Christmas in Connecticut (not the movie) that remind me how long of a straw I drew in this whole life gig thing. Merry Christmas, everyone :)

The Foot (Pt. 5): REALLY THE END

Before I left England, I had one more appointment with my UEA doctor about my foot. He was concerned that it wasn't feeling better just because I bought a new pair of sneakers (pffft), so he thought I should have some blood tests to make sure it wasn't gout (that again) or arthritis, even though he didn't actually think the problem was because either of those things. I told him politely that my mom made an appointment with an orthopedist in America, since I was going home in like a week. He didn't think an orthopedist was what I needed--he wanted me to see a rheumatologist, for christ's sake.

So. Upon returning home, I had an appointment with my brother's orthopedist. First appointment, right after going into the exam room, they gave me an x-ray, something they wouldn't do for me in England. The x-ray was inconclusive, so they booked me for an MRI two days later. I had the MRI, they gave me the images on CD. I'm sure as hell glad doctors go to school for so many years, because the images looked more like pieces of raw meat than pictures of a foot (though there was a suspicious black square underneath my big toe...I don't think that's the fracture, because that's tiny, but it did give me pause). Today, I had an appointment back with the orthopedist to "discuss" the MRI results. Given the way things have gone with this whole foot thing, I expected nothing to come up on the MRI and to be back at square one.

The doctor walked in the room and asked me how the foot was as he crossed the threshold. I said it was about the same. In one swoop, he grabbed my foot, stuck his finger in the bottom of it, made me scream, and said "yeah, it's broken. It's been broken for four months."

CHRIST, NHS. YOU COULDN'T GIVE ME AN MRI?

They put me in a purple beast of a cast for 2 weeks. Two days before I leave for England again, they're going to take it off (since it's a pain to fly with casts: you have to get your foot x-rayed and checked to make sure there aren't bombs in it or anything), and give me a plastic aircast...which I'll have to wear for at least two months, maybe three. But at least that one I'll be able to take off to shower and sleep. This purple one, on the other hand...I can barely walk at all. Good thing we went to NYC yesterday...at least I went out of walking with a bang. Now I'm just missing all the skinny jeans and leggings I can't wear for three months, and I left almost all my flare jeans back in England. Priceless. I guess the remainder of my break is going to be close to entirely sedentary. At least I can drive: it's my left leg that's encased in purple fiberglass. If it was my right that was bothering me, I would have asked them to delay putting on the cast until right before I leave for England so I could still drive myself around.

For some reason, I feel like a total stress ball about next semester. This is supposed to be a vacation, and all I can think about is how much work I'll have around the end of February into March. I can't say I'm worried about not actually getting the work done: I just worry about what kind of crap I'll have to turn in just to get everything done, and what that'll mean to my overall GPA (or "yearly aggregate" at UEA), since I'd really love to get a first this year. I also worry about what I'll have to sacrifice to get all my work done: I had a shitty year and a half, and I've been looking forward to this year so much, I can't bear the thought of being required to lock myself in my room to do useless work now that I've finally made friends and finally like where I am.

So. I decided to get creative with my situation. Dickinson has said they're requiring me to take Humanities 310. The work for the Dickinson class is what's putting me over the edge the most (based on a) the uselessness of it to my current situation, b) the stupidness of having to be required to take it for no legitimate reason, and c) the needlessly-harsh D- I already got on the paper proposal, which is something like 15% of the entire grade for the paper, which is 60% of the grade for the course). The solution to this is to not take Humanities 310, despite the requirement.

I asked UEA what classes my "yearly aggregate" is composed of, since I have to get above 40% to stay on for my final year (sounds easy to get above 40%, and it is, but keep in mind they basically grade out of 75% max). They wrote back and said they only care about my 6 UEA modules and could give a monkey's (as Rosie would say) about what grade I get in Humanities 310. My new plan of attack is to just...purposely fail Humanities 310 by not doing the paper. If I don't have time to do it and if the authorities that matter don't care about it, what's the harm? My professor is the one who originally suggested it to me anyway: I wouldn't have thought of that myself, and I didn't like the idea when I heard of it, but then again, back then, I thought they would let me off the Humanities 310 hook. I think I'm on the verge of desperate (though I don't know why the desperation has set in so early).

General question to those who actually read this (cue crickets): bad idea, or nothing to lose? I don't like the idea of bad grades on my record, but I have the feeling they're going to happen anyway, especially if I have to spend all my time learning about the British educational system and trying to glean information out of people who don't want to talk to me for 15 hours. I might as well pour my energy into the classes that actually matter, and keep myself sane in the process.

Home!

-It's lovely to be home. As much as I love England, and as much as I think I could have taken my vacation there and been alright, I feel so burned-out and apathetic towards academics that I think it's healthy to physically remove myself from the institution for awhile. However, seeing my hometown through the eyes of another person makes me realize that it's a bit...boring, but I've never had a problem with boring.

-I went to an American doctor about my foot, and they seem almost as confused as the English doctors about the problem. The difference was that they were willing to give me an X-ray and MRI (that's happening Friday) to get closer to an answer, so there's that. I still like socialized healthcare, so don't think I'm losing my faith. However, we're back on the idea that it's a stress fracture--frankly, it makes sense, symptom-wise. Whatever it is: IT'S NOT GOUT.

-I have missed the cold so much that I purposely left my jacket in the car today when it was 31 degrees. It even snowed a bit last night, but the real irony is that according to Obama-Weather, it is now just as cold and wintery in Norwich as it is here, and it looks like they might even get some (slushy) snow this week. FIGURES.

-Sometimes I wonder why I dislike flying so much: my flight was easy and uneventful, and it even came in early. I've never had a bad experience with it besides the routine delays and lost baggage, but I think it's just the idea of flying that puts me off: I don't think I fully trust physics to keep the plane in the air, and I get paranoid about technical faults and bad weather. I stress myself out so much about it that I make myself physically sick every time I have to fly (at least, I think that must be the cause of my gastro-intestinal nightmare every time I travel overseas or back), which I'm just coming out of now. I suppose I'm not a stressed-out or paranoid person in general (contrary to popular belief, perhaps), so I guess it's alright to have that one ridiculous thing, but still, I can't just chill out about it.

-There is something wrong with my hair. I don't know if it's the water here, or if it's the fact I'm going back to using my old line of Pantene shampoo or what, but...it's actually behaving. I don't need to straighten it, really, it's almost completely devoid of frizz, and it's not making its usual crazy turns and curls and wiry bits. I'm so suspicious and confused I can barely enjoy it. I also don't trust it to last.

-I got the worst grade I've ever received for anything on an end-of-term project. Granted, I didn't spend a lot of time on the project, and it was for my Dickinson class, so the grade doesn't really matter, but it still makes me feel a bit funny. I hate that no matter how burned-out and apathetic I get, I still feel the need to overachieve deep down somewhere. I hate university and I always have (I like UEA as an institution, for the record, but that doesn't mean I want to be in any institution at all), but I still work very hard most of the time, and when I don't, I still feel guilty and disappointed. I guess my apathy has limits.

-On a related note, I got official word from Dickinson requiring me to complete Humanities 310. I have no idea why this is the case: all they should honestly care about is the money, which they're still getting. Shouldn't they be happy to use the resources on one less kid? Well, I'd still live in my flat and still receive my weekly food stipend, so it's not like I'm totally off the books money-wise, and I understand that they're trying to put academics before money, but in this particular case, completing Humanities 310 HARMS my education overall, since it spreads me too thin and prevents me from putting all of my time and energy into my UEA classes, which are the ones that actually matter now. I wasn't going to be bitter towards Dickinson until now. I think I need to be angry at them for a semester, a semester which will totally bite the big one, and then later I can say that I officially don't harbor any resentment towards Dickinson as an institution, despite all the times they've screwed me over.

-Rosie found the cutest yet dorkiest t-shirt:

I'm going to look for two at my Forever 21 once I get home. The thing with Forever 21 is, things on their website are nicely arranged so you can see them, and they have some great stuff. But I find going into the actual store overwhelming, since things are so mixed together and thrown around, and there are so many things in each seasons' collections, as opposed to other stores that have smaller collections.

-I think I'm the only one of our Dickinson clan going home that isn't bursting of excitement at the sheer idea of being back in America. This isn't to say I don't want to go home: I feel like it's about time I paid a visit, since I haven't been there in a long time. I also miss certain things: clean, odorless kitchens, Target, Pepperidge Farm products, my car and driving, TV channels and shows I recognize, no noisy neighbors. But what I really feel like I need is a break from schoolwork more than I need a break from England. If I wasn't going to be mostly abandoned and if it wasn't Christmas, I would think I could handle staying here very well. Others seem to have been counting down the days and hours. I can hardly get it in my head that I'm flying out the day after tomorrow. But whatever: I get to come back.

-I need to be banned from thinking about next semester, primarily about my Dickinson project and how it will be the death of me. After discussions with various UEA people about arranging the upcoming semester and having them ask me repeatedly "are you sure you've done everything to ask if you can get out of taking Humanities 310? Are you sure you're not going to die next semester of overwork?" I've been psyching myself out a bit and have been going into premature stress spirals. Damn this project and its 10-15 hours of experiential work in the community.

-I can't remember if I blogged about this before, since I've been whining about it in my head for a week now, but on December 19, Coldplay is giving a charity holiday concert for 500 people at Exeter Castle, in Chris Martin's hometown. I'm devastated that I'm not going to be in the right country at the right time. Of course, with only 500 tickets available at £50 each, the likelihood that I could have gone even if I was in England at the time would have been slim (as my friend just camped outside the HMV in Exeter where they were selling 100 of these tickets and only just managed to secure two). Still: *insert anguished moan here.* Holiday concert? Coldplay? 500 people? EXETER CASTLE?

-I think the early darkness here makes me want dinner way earlier than it's appropriate to make it. It's 4:30 here right now, pitch black, and has been for an hour. I've been hungry for dinner since about 3:30, and this is a reoccuring thing. I feel silly making dinner at 4:30, but maybe I should and have "fourthmeal" later. I do have a good amount of food to get rid of before Friday.

-It's snowed at home twice in the last week. It's consistently been about 50 degrees F here every day. There are still traces of the heart-breaking fake snow on the ground. IT BETTER SNOW WHEN I'M IN AMERICA, AND IT BETTER BE FRICKING FREEZING.

-I think it's nearly official that Dickinson will require me to finish the Humanities 310 course. This means I will have a doubly-overloaded schedule next semester. Dickinson would never allow me to do that on their campus, but for some reason they're making me do it here, even though they get their absurd amounts of money either way. I'm starting to seriously stress about next semester, and this one hasn't even ended yet.

-Half of the time, I think packing to go home for break will be a breeze, because all I really need are my clothes and DVDs and gifts. The other half of the time, I eye the size of my smaller suitcase and the amount of clothes/gifts in my closet and get a bit worried. We're going to have to see how this will go.

-The lead singer of Sigur Rós, Jónsi, is coming out with a solo album in March. Usually I'm not a huge fan of solo albums: There's always something obviously missing, and that something is the collaboration and variation that comes from working in a band. However, Jónsi's single is awesome:

And it's in English! It's strange to hear him speak English. I think he takes the principles of Volenska into the lyrics here, though: some of the words don't really fit next to each other, and he doesn't enunciate at all towards the end. That's fine with me. I can't wait til March 22.

-I woke up this morning and there was snow on the ground. Not a lot, but a little white dusting in the cracks on the asphalt and on the edges of the sidewalks. I freaked out. Turns out, it was FAKE SNOW. There's some Finnish exhibit at Earlham Park (apparently, Finns live in very Native-American-looking teepees), which invovled fake snow and reindeer, and overnight the fake snow blew all over campus and made it look like it actually snowed a bit. I think someone's trying to break my heart.

-IT NEEDS TO BE PROPER WINTER NOW. GAH. Winter is my favorite season, and it just doesn't seem to get to be winter here. It never goes below 45 degrees F. It probably won't snow at all, ever. I'm told January and February are the coldest, most wintery months, but what's the use of cold and snow if it isn't around for Christmas? Well, I still like it in January, I suppose, but around the end of February, I'm sick of it. One of the top reasons I'm looking forward to home is the weather: apparently it snowed this weekend from DC to PA to CT, and I wanted to cry.

-Note to self: things on the HMV website are cheaper than they actually are in-store. Blah.

-I braved Argos for the first time today, and I've decided I actually quite like it. For Americans: Imagine the huge Sears/JC Penny catalogue that's the size of a brick. Now imagine a store where things aren't on shelves, where it's just a bunch of these huge catalogues on podiums and a counter. This is Argos. You flick through the magazine, pick what you want, write down the number on a bit of paper, and bring it to the counter. You pay for it, and whatever you bought comes out on a chute a few minutes later, and an employee hands it to you. It's actually really weird, but it seems to work. I bought a new lamp there today. It works very well, but it turns out that it's not really the sort of lamp I was looking for: it's a nice desk lamp, but my old one filled the whole room with light so I didn't have to use the stupud flouresent lights (I hate flouresent lighting). This one is like an intense spotlight for a small area. Sigh. Good for my desk, but I might need to buy a cheapo shade lamp to get the desired effect.

-Borders is closing in the UK. I'm fairly certain the US branches are still up and running, but it makes me sad. Waterstones is the equivalent of Barnes and Noble here, and I have a Waterstones card, but Borders...just makes me happy. I was thrilled to find that they existed in the UK, but now they don't anymore. The bright side is that I got a few cheap books to read on the plane on Saturday, but the downside is that there's not a huge bookstore in Chapelfields for me to kill time in anymore. And now I'm going to have to go all the way to House of Fraser at the end of the mall to get to a Paperchase. Oh, woe is me.

Phoenix - Lizstomania / One time too many - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

I love this.

Also:

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows EXCLUSIVE VIEW + TEASER *HQ/Official Video* from Dragon on Vimeo.

LEAKED DEATHLY HALLOWS TRAILER!

Procrastination Reigns Again

-I have work to do, so I'm procrastinating, of course. The thing with the paper I'm writing, though, is that I'm actually kind of into the subject matter: I get to bash the Christian right in American politics. The fact that I know I can motivate myself to do it because it's interesting makes me tend to put off actually working on it more.

The thing with UEA papers is, though, that instead of just passing them up to the front of the class on the day that the assignment is due, you have to drop them off at the specific department's office. At the office, you take a coversheet and fill in your student number, professor's name, and module title, and then you stick it in the professor's mailbox. This is all so the grading remains anonymous and unbiased: you can't put your name anywhere on the paper or on the coversheet (well, there's a space for it on the coversheet, and after you write it in, you fold a perforated bit of paper over it and seal it down with a sticker, like an envelope. The professor never opens this: it's just in case you're stupid and can't recognize your own handwriting on the coversheet where you wrote your student number). I think all this anonymous marking is complete BS: if a professor is going to be that influenced by who wrote the paper rather than the actual quality of the work, they shouldn't be a professor. Anyway, my point is that in my politics class, I pretty much defeat the purpose of anonymous marking on the papers: I'm the only bile-spitting hopeless liberal in class, so I'm probably the only bile-spitting hopeless liberal on paper. Since we're writing about my country, here, I tend to have a strong opinion on most of the things we talk and write about, whereas my English classmates don't. I assume this shines through in my writing so much that my professor laughs at me. One day in class, the two of us went off a bit on the Religious Right, ignoring the rest of the class, so he'll probably know which paper's mine from the second he reads the thesis.


-I think the Christmas season puts me in the mood for online shopping. I decided a few days ago that I really wanted an "art, music, jaffa cakes" t-shirt from the band Travis, as worn by Demetri Martin in the "Selfish Jean" music video.I've wanted one for years, but I decided I'd actually get down to ordering one. Of course, they don't seem to actually exist anywhere anymore. Figures. This is probably the third time this month I've admonished myself for not buying something when I see it's available.

However, in my current trend of wearing white t-shirts, once I get some spending money, I'm going to get the Sigur Rós t-shirt I've been lusting after for a while:

-Apparently, this week, some hacker hacked into UEA computers and retrieved some sensitive information from their Climate Research Unit that plays directly into the hands of (bastard) climate change deniers. Whoops. Also apparently, Stephen Colbert mentioned this on his show. I feel special (in a not-so-good way). Stephen's had mentions of both Dickinson and UEA in the past month and a half.